1. Year 10 business studies would come in handy. Supply and demand is the backbone of market economics… and breastfeeding. If you pump 300ml of milk with an electric breast pump every 3 hours, chances are your supply won’t meet babies' demand. The consequence? Dolly Parton boobs and raging mastitis.
2. Babies may have more than one neck roll. Only after a week of smelling cottage cheese every time I kissed my twins did I realise this delightful fact.
3. NEVER claim that your baby now sleeps through the night. Guaranteed they won’t the next night. And even if your miracle child does sleep through from 2 weeks old… please spare the rest of us who were up 6 times last night. It does make us want to poke our eyes out with a fork.
4. It is not possible to average 3 hours' sleep a night and still function like a rational person. Sure, for the first few weeks while you enjoy the oxytocin high, but when it wears off and you realise this existence is for THE REST OF YOUR (FORESEEABLE) LIFE expect tears and tantrums to rival a "three-nager".
5. Your baby is smarter than you. They know when they’re full or ready for a nap. The real question is do you? Approaching my tiny, screaming humans with this attitude helped me realise my role wasn’t to know what was wrong, but do my best to figure it out. And if they cried for a bit, it was just their way of telling me to hurry up. Now I know how my husband has felt for all these years.
Anything you wish someone had told you about having kids? Let me know in the comments below!