I'm writing this 2 weeks’ shy of my twins first birthday. Despite contemplating starting this blog for months, the impetus only came recently when I read a Facebook post from a fellow first time mum. It went along the lines of:
“Can’t believe [insert name] is almost one! What a crazy, challenging, life changing year it has been…”
“… and I wouldn’t change a thing!”
I know it's a cliché but who are we kidding! While I admit to occasionally day dreaming about trading my kids for a Sicilian summer holiday, the reality is that I love my new life as a twin mamma. But that doesn't mean I wouldn't change many things about having children. Below are my top five proposed amendments to children... now I just need to figure out who to address them to!
The morning-midday-afternoon-evening-allfuckingday-sickness is one. Whoever came up with the term “morning sickness” clearly didn’t suffer from MMAEAFD sickness! It’s a cruel induction to being pregnant that I wouldn’t wish upon my worst enemy.
Mastitis. 40 degree fevers and newborn twins don’t mix well. Ladies, if you feel a hot, sore lump in your boob, get on the antibiotics quick and start the hot compress and loads of massage to remove the blockage. Waiting to see if it clears up on its own is NOT recommended if you value your sanity.
Poo-namis are something I would happily remove from the job spec of new mothers. Especially when they involve third party objects such as car seats, couches, high chairs or me.
Reflux. It’s shit… for baby and you. Plus, lots of doctors argue it doesn’t exist, which went down a treat with me when my 3 month old twins were on a complete milk strike due to silent reflux. For new mammas out there, be persistent if you think your bub is suffering reflux.
I would completely remove the need for sleep training. Babies would come with a clearly marked on/off switch that could be activated at various times during the day and night with no need for techniques such a “camping out” and “spaced soothing” which sound far more romantic than they really are.
In light of my proposed changes to year one of parenting, I would suggest a revised Facebook post of:
“Can’t believe L&L are turning one! What a crazy, challenging, life changing year it has been… and there is plenty I would love to change, but two little boys I wouldn’t trade for the world.”
Any other proposed amendments? Let me know in the comments below and I'll be sure to address them to... someone in charge!